My brain needs an upgrade ....

You know those ads where Siri is like your helpful little slave, captive brain-in-a-box with no feelings or feeding to worry about, just a helpful imaginary friend, a handy auxiliary brain to behave as your own surely would were it connected to the entire Internet?

Those are kind of creepy, aren't they?

Anyhow, the point of this post.

Asking direct questions is a great way to get answers, but if you're asking a medium meant to imitate your brain, then the answers can get dicey pretty fast.

After yet another bout of fussing and fuming at search engines, Pandora (I keep "breaking up" with it and then feeling bad and giving it another chance ...), and the Internet in general, I realized that my own personal brain doesn't really do that much better 90% of the time. It's just learned to run through all the wrong answers more quickly, so I wind up with the right answer sooner.

Most days.

Some days it is just about exactly as quick on the uptake as Pandora or Google.

Now, I've complained about word-association in the past, but downtime and idle conversations are one thing (two things, pah, you know what I mean). What about when I'm actually requesting helpful information from my patented brain algorithm? 

An ideal situation would be,

Me: What is the name of that color?
Brain: What color?
Me: The nice one that sounds like super-blue but is actually beyond-the-sea.
Brain: Based on your search query, "ultramarine" is the closest match.
Me: That's it! Thank you, brain!
Brain: You're welcome.

A more realistic situation would be,

Me: What is the name of that color?
Brain: Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry ...
Me: PAY ATTENTION. What color is it?
Brain: What color?
Me: The nice one that sounds like super-blue but is actually beyond-the-sea.
Brain: ♫ Somewhere ... beyond the sea ... ♫
Me: ...
Brain: Was that the song you were looking for? It appears that 80% of the above lyrics match your search query. Do you want to buy Finding Nemo on DVD with your Amazon gift card? Your VHS copy is looking a little worn.
Me: I WANTED A COLOR. Super-blue, but not.
Brain: UBERWEISS. It's new, it's German, it's super-tough. Don't you wonder how that laundromat scene would look set to the Freeze-Ray song from Dr. Horrible? You have Tuesday off, you could probably make--
Me: NO, GAWD, I'LL JUST LOOK IT UP. Um ... okay, it would be under ...
Brain: U.
Me: U?
Brain: For "ultramarine."
Me: Ah, right -- HEY. D:
Brain: :D
Me: THIS ISN'T FUNNY.
Brain: Did you mean: ♫I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cryyy with the saints--♫
Me: STOPPIT I DON'T WANT THAT IN MY HEAD WHILE I'M AT WORK.
Brain: No, the song you didn't want in your head at work is by Cee-Lo Green. The title is F--
Me: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.
Brain: ...:(
Me: Sorry brain, but ... you know how you get sometimes.
Brain: Yes, I am also sor-- wait, have we been letting Pandora run unattended this whole time?
Me: IT'S PLAYING THE IRISH FOLK MUSIC AGAIN.

Brain: AND THE PREVIOUS TRACK WAS FROM GLEE.

Me: WHY DOES IT EVEN HAVE THAT SONG?
Brain: WHO CARES?? THUMBS-DOWN, THUMBS-DOWN!!!
Me: I KNOW I KNOW, MY MOUSE WON'T MOVE THAT FAST.
Brain: I'M SO SORRY.
Me: I got it, I got it! It's okay, Brain. It's over now. It'll be okay.
Brain: :) Not to dig up the past, but why did you need to know what ultramarine was called?
Me: Um ... I don't remember. Isn't that your job?
Brain: I don't know, let me look that up--
Me: NO. Don't. Please. I'll ... I'll just use it in a blog post, I haven't blogged in a while.
Brain: Very well. Did you ever know he was singing "Kyrie, eleison" in that song?

Me: I didn't know it even had words, I just thought he was making 80's noises.

Brain: So did I. Thumbs-up?

Me: Let's not get carried away. But ... I guess you and Pandora aren't so bad after all.
Brain: :D

This is a baby bunny my brain thought you might find relevant.